Fear of Success an Artist’s Path
Cynthia Erivo shared a story in an interview I watched about a time in her childhood when she considered stopping singing, and her mom responded, You can do that, but you should keep singing. Such a simple statement.
To me, she is a true artist.
What she creates is like she is opening her chest and letting you see her heart beat right there in front of you.
Hah, now look at me.
I have been told I have talent, but my life path is stop and start, lacking the growth I know I am capable of. She is my reminder of that side and why I love art, and it is not a dead end to call yourself an artist. This is something that just writing this makes me cry. It is a raw emotion of truth.
It is the idea that you need to have a job that makes money. I hate that idea, that you need to put security first. I say don’t put all your eggs in one basket, you shouldn’t have to pick something you can live off of over doing something you love. I struggle to articulate the fear I feel. This fear is something that I don’t know how to put into words; it is the idea of being good at something and people complimenting you and then you like shut down. People think that I should be successful, but in my own head I have found I am quietly saying, I will not let myself live up to my own idea of success.
You say, “What are you talking about?” Eggs in one basket, I understand that can be interpreted differently; let me explain my version.
Don’t put all your eggs in one basket, let’s look at Cynthia Erivo (CE). She started singing as a kid and went to Broadway and then movies, but that is not all. Now she creates her own music albums, has written a book, speaks occasionally, produces Broadway plays, and continues to act in plays herself. Her income is not from one source; this gives her the space to pick. The power is in her hands; for me, it creates freedom. Trevor Noah walked away from The Daily Show because that chapter in his life was done. It was not because it was a terrible period in his life, but he wanted something different.
I feel CE as an artist; creativity is the direction she goes, and doors unlocked, with the freedom to choose. She gets to say I don’t feel like this is the way I want to go with this project. I am not feeling the energy right now. But I know the door is there for me to walk through.
Trevor Noah (TN) has hosted award shows and comedy tours and has written a book. I feel it’s idealizing his mom if you really read the book and the podcast. I think he left because it was limiting his growth because it was a large commitment, but he has always given the persona of being proud of what he did, and I feel that that is what led him in the direction his life is going now, and he knows and recognizes it.
For TN I see his situation as, I feel I am restricted from taking on other opportunities I love because of the commitment. Compared to CE.
I feel I’m standing at the door and I can’t turn the doorknob; I just walk away, more like run, in the opposite direction I need to go. For a person running away, it hurts to turn around and see the truth,
Hey, I am doing well, lol, you know.