So I keep doing this thing.
I speak up. I try to help. And then right after, before anyone even says anything, I’m already bracing for it to go wrong.
like this week. I was in training, and the day before, I spoke up, shared what I was thinking, tried to help keep things moving. The trainer even said it had been a while since they had done any training. I offered some ideas.
The next day I find out some of them just got skipped over. That’s not even a big deal, really; they’re suggestions. I’m the student; they’re the teacher. That’s simply the way things are.
But it took me right back to this old memory. I was working at a food kiosk, and the shift lead was getting into it with a customer, attitude flying. I intervened to defuse the situation. I thought I was helping.
It turns out they saw it as me overstepping. Even the manager said I shouldn’t have done that.
So here’s the question I still don’t have an answer for; how is standing there doing nothing the “right” choice when someone’s being disrespected right in front of you? I think it just depends on what people actually value in that moment, and I never know which version you’re going to get.
That’s why I second-guess. As soon as I finish speaking, I immediately start to doubt myself. bracing. getting ready to be wrong. I tell myself that if I prepare for it, the pain will be less.
I tell myself what people think doesn’t matter. But that’s not true, not really. We get judged for how we show up; that’s just how it is. I think I’ve spent a long time trying to change other people’s version of me instead of just… being.
I don’t have a neat ending for this one. I’m still try to figuring out where the line should sit. should I adhering to your core values even when it makes you stand out or about compromising a little to fit into society’s standards, Or maybe there’s another road I just haven’t found yet. I like to say things aren’t black and white. However, people tend to categorize you regardless.
-jennifer