artist’s creativity when fear is holding my hand
Cynthia Erivo shared a story in an interview I watched about a time in her childhood when she considered stopping singing, and her mom responded, You can do that, but you should keep singing.
To me, she is a true artist. She creates this environment.
She opens her chest and lets you see her heart beat right there in front of you.
Hah, now look at me. People would say I have talent, but my life path is stop-and-start, lacking the growth I know I am capable of. She is my reminder of why I love art and calling myself an artist, not a dead end; this is something that just writing this makes me cry. It is a raw emotion of truth.
It’s the idea that you need to have a job that makes money. I hate that idea, that you need to put security first. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket—you teach yourself to believe you need to be successful over having a meaningful life. I struggle to articulate the fear I feel. This fear is something that I don’t know how to put into words; it is the idea of being good at something and people complimenting you and then you like shut down. People think that I should be successful, but in my own head I have found I am quietly saying, I will not let myself live up to my own idea of success.
You say, “What are you talking about?” Eggs in one basket—I understand that can be interpreted differently; let me explain my version.
Don’t put all your eggs in one basket—let’s look at Cynthia Erivo (CE). She started singing as a kid and went to Broadway and then movies, but that is not all. Now she creates her own music albums, has written a book, speaks occasionally, produces Broadway plays, and continues to act in plays herself. Her income is not from one source of income; this gives her the space to pick. The power is in her hands; for me, it creates freedom. Trevor Noah walked away from The Daily Show because that chapter in his life was done. I loved my time here, but I want something different.
I feel CE is a true artist; creativity is the direction she goes, and doors are not locked, but I don’t feel like this is the way I want to go with this project. I am not feeling the energy right now, but I know the door is there for me to walk through. Trevor Noah (TN) has hosted award shows and comedy tours and has written a book. I feel it’s idealizing his mom if you really read the book and the podcast. I think he left because it was limiting his growth because it was a large commitment, but he has always given the persona of being proud of what he did, and I feel that that is what led him in the direction his life is going now, and he knows and recognizes it.
For me, I am more CE, but I feel that I am standing at the door and can’t turn the doorknob; I just walk away, more like run, and then TN, I feel I am not doing anything I love because I am holding myself back, but for a person running in the opposite direction that I need to go, because it hurts to turn around and see the truth, I am doing well, lol, you know.
-fear unexpectedly becomes a friend we listen to and seek advice from—but we need to remember, a friend doesn’t always want what’s best for you. –