That Feeling
It’s December, and everyone’s talking about fresh starts and new year, new you, and what your goals are for 2026, and you’re sitting there thinking… should i even bother?
Because here’s the thing: you’ve done this before. Maybe your the person who buys the planner, the gym membership, and the meal prep containers and tells yourself, “I’ll start Monday.” Except Monday becomes next Monday becomes next month and suddenly its November and you never actually started. The planner sits empty. The gym membership auto-renews every month, charging you for a promise you never kept.
Or maybe you DO start. For like three days. And then you miss one day because you were tired or sick or busy, and suddenly you have this whole list of reasons why it didn’t work: I don’t have time, I have too many responsibilities, I’m too old, I’m too tired, other people don’t understand, I have kids, I have a demanding job, I can’t afford it, I don’t have support.
And here’s the thing – those reasons are real. But they also become the proof. The evidence that you were right all along is that you CAN’T do this. You should just give up. Accept things as they are. Stop trying.
And now your staring down another January thinking – should i try again or should i finally admit defeat?
Maybe the problem isn’t you. Maybe the problem is that goals are designed for people who don’t have real lives. People without jobs and kids and bills and exhaustion.
Your already doing the best you can just to survive. Why add another thing to fail at?
New year goals are bullshit anyway.
The Whisper (What the World Told Us)
Somewhere along the way, someone told you that change is supposed to be simple.
Just decide. Just commit. Just show up every day. Just be consistent. Just want it bad enough.
They made it sound like the only thing standing between you and the life you want is willpower. Like if you really cared, if you really wanted it, you’d find a way. You’d make time. You’d phttps://hazel-wire.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/12/vintage-electrical-and-electronic-appliances-in-an-2023-11-27-05-10-10-utc-e1734923695564.jpgritize it.
And when you didn’t? When you couldn’t? Well, that was proof you didn’t want it enough. Proof you were lazy. Undisciplined. Weak.
You learned that successful people don’t make excuses; they make it happen. They wake up at 5am. They do the meal prepping. They show up even when they don’t feel like it—how sweet of them. And if you can’t do that, its because your not trying hard enough.
So you tried harder. You made the goals bigger, the standards higher, and the plans more detailed. And when you still couldn’t stick to it, you learned the real lesson: Your the problem.
Not the goal. Not the system. It’s not about the unrealistic expectation that you can simply add more to an already impossible existence. You. Your the reason it doesn’t work.
And after enough failed attempts, you learned something else too: Maybe you should just stop trying.
Maybe some people are meant to change and grow and become better versions of themselves. And some people – people like you – are meant to just… stay the same. Accept it. Stop fighting it.
The world told you that giving up is failure. But it also told you that trying and failing over and over is pathetic.
So which is worse?
The Real Story (Spoiler: You’re Fine)
New year goals fail for most people. Like, statistically fail.
About 40% of adults set New Year’s resolutions. Only 9-12% actually achieve them. 23% quit within the first WEEK. By end of January? Almost half are done.
So if you failed – congratulations, your normal. Your not broken.
Actually, you know what? We ARE all lazy. Just about different things.
That gym person? Probably lazy about meal prep or answering texts. The organized person? Probably lazy about exercise or trying new things. Nobody is doing ALL the things. Were all just picking which things matter enough and feeling guilty about the rest.
But heres the real problem – the whole system is designed to fail.
Your supposed to start goals in January when your body wants to hibernate. When your exhausted and broke from holidays. When everything in nature is screaming REST and your supposed to have energy for change.
Then your supposed to rely on willpower. Except willpower drains like a phone battery, and your already using all of it just to survive regular life.
See hear, most goals fail because there too vague (“get healthy” – okay but HOW?), or based on what you SHOULD want instead of what actually matters to you, or your trying to do like seven things at once.
And all those reasons you have? “No time” “too tired” “too many responsibilities”? Those aren’t excuses. Those are just facts.
What if lazy isnt a flaw? What if its just your brain saying “this costs more than its worth”?
Maybe the question isnt “should i try or give up?” Maybe its “why do i keep thinking i need fixing?”
The Return (What You Can Actually Do)
Okay so if New Year goals are bullshit and were all lazy and the system is broken – what now?
Two big things actually help with goals: making them clear and doable, and building a simple system to follow them. Here are some practical things you can start using:
Make the goal clear and realistic
- Turn big wishes into specific actions (like “walk 15 minutes after dinner 5 days a week” instead of “get fit”)
- Choose goals that actually matter to YOU – not what someone else thinks you should do
Break it into small steps
- Break each goal into tiny actions you can do daily or weekly, so it feels doable even on low-energy days
- Create mini-goals or milestones to build confidence (like “do 5 push-ups every day for 2 weeks” then increase)
Plan the when, where, and how
- Decide in advance: “On [days] at [time] in [place], I will do [action].”
- Put it on a calendar or link it to something you already do (like “after breakfast i’ll journal for 10 minutes”)
Track progress and adjust
- Write your goals down and keep them visible people who write goals down are more likely to act on them
- Use a simple tracker (checklist, app, notebook) and review once a week to adjust instead of quitting
Support yourself
- Remove friction: prepare stuff ahead of time so starting is easier than stopping
- Celebrate small wins (even 5 minutes counts) and be kind to yourself when you miss a day just get back to the next small action
Now here are two exercises that might help:
The Reality Check Exercise
Make two lists:
- Things i actually accomplished this year (even tiny things – you got through the year, you kept people alive, you survived hard days)
- Things i think i “should have” done
Look at list one. That’s real. That’s what you actually did with your actual life and actual energy.
List two? That’s fantasy. That’s you in a world where you have infinite time, energy, and no obligations.
You lived on List One. And that counts.
The Reverse Engineering Exercise (My Personal Champion)
This is something I do that actually helps me see where I’m going instead of just picking random goals:
Start big and work backwards:
Picture your perfect world in 5-10 years
- If everything went exactly how you wanted, what would your life look like?
- Write it all out. Don’t edit yourself. Just dream.
- (If 5-10 years feels too far, start with 2-3 years. Or even just “what would make my life feel less exhausting?”)
Break it into key areas
Here are the main life areas (pick the ones that actually matter to you—you don’t need all of them):
- Family/Relationships
- Health/Physical
- Money/Financial
- Career/Work
- Personal Growth/Learning
- Creativity/Hobbies
- Home/Environment
- Spirituality/Meaning
- Community/Friendships
For each area YOU picked, what does that look like in your perfect world?
Ask: What do I need to get there?
- For each area, what would have to happen?
- What would that actually look like for ME? (not for someone else for your actual life)
- Be real and brutally honest with yourself about your strengths and your failures
- What are you actually good at? What do you actually suck at?
- What have you tried before that didn’t work? Why didn’t it work?
- What have you quit before? What excuses did you use? Were they excuses, or were they real barriers?
Work backwards from there
- If I’m starting 2026 now, what would 2027 need to look like to put me on track?
- What does 2027 need? Okay, so what do I need to do in 2026 to start 2027 well?
Now here’s the important part—we’re lazy, right? So what do you need to CHANGE to help you actually do this?
You need to create the world that helps you achieve your goal. Here are some examples of what that might look like:
- Accountability: Make yourself accountable to people (i make myself accountable to people who dont even know i did it lol—it works)
- Get help: Tell people what you want to do—you might get help and ideas you didn’t think of. You dont need to do it all on your own
- Make it easier: Give yourself easy access to the good stuff. Example: You like to snack on all the wrong things. Why do you snack? Because you’re bored? Because you like putting things in your mouth? Okay – put the healthier snacks in the area where you snack the most. Put the bad ones away where you cant see them
- Habit stacking: Link new habits to habits you already have (like “after i brush my teeth i’ll do X”)
- Remove obstacles: What makes it hard? Can you remove that thing or make it harder to access?
- Environment design: Make the things you want to do easier than the things you want to stop doing.
Break it down into quarters and do check-ins
Quarterly check-ins (end of each quarter):
- Look at the whole picture – are you still aligned with yourself?
- If not, what needs to change?
- This is a moving target, always changing, just like you
Weekly check-ins (minimum – you can do more):
- Your making a to-do list, creating habits, changing your outlook
- You need to check if your still aligning with yourself
- Are the habits working? Are you actually doing them?
- Is what you thought mattered still what matters?
- What needs to adjust?
And if you do all this and still don’t stick to it? That’s also information. Maybe the goal wasn’t actually yours. Maybe it wasn’t the right time. Maybe you learned something about yourself in the trying. That’s not failure – that’s data. Use it.
Why this works for me: I like habits. I don’t want to have to think about everything. I like to just DO it when it comes to repetitive things. And i need to know what i’m working towards – not just randomly trying to “be better” but actually knowing where i’m going.
Important: This approach is what works for me. But I’m not everyone.
You might need something entirely different. You might need more structure or less structure. You might need a coach, or you might need to be left alone. You might do better with daily check-ins or you might need to think in bigger chunks of time.
The point isn’t to follow my system; the point is to figure out what actually works for YOUR brain, YOUR life, and YOUR version of lazy.
Book Recommendation
If this is resonating, read Atomic Habits by James Clear . Its about building systems instead of setting goals, and making changes so small they actually stick. He talks about how tiny habits compound over time – which is way more realistic than the “transform your entire life in January” approach. I’ve read it and it actually helped me understand why my goals kept failing and what to do instead.
Let’s Talk
So back to the original question: Should you try again or just give up?
Here’s the thing—maybe we should give up on the word “goal” completely.
This isn’t about goals. This is about the person you aspire to become when everything goes wrong. This is about your best self not some perfect Instagram version, but the real you when everything goes wrong and you still show up.
The point isn’t to become someone else. The point is to not give up on who you actually are.
So this January, before making any resolutions or promises that this time will be different, ask yourself the following…
Ask yourself: What do I actually want? Not what I should want—what do I WANT?
Does this thing help me become my best self? Or is it just another way I’m trying to meet someone else’s expectations?
Because if it’s yours—if it actually matters to you—then yeah, try again. Try differently. Try smaller. Try with more support. But try.
And if it’s not yours? Let it go. That’s not giving up on yourself—that’s choosing yourself.
You might end up somewhere different than where you started. That’s not failure—that’s adjusting to real life. That’s learning what actually matters instead of what you thought should matter.
You’re allowed to have what you want. You’re allowed to change direction. You’re allowed to be lazy about things that don’t matter to you.
And you’re allowed to keep trying at the things that do.
Just don’t give up on yourself. Keep showing up for YOUR life, not the life everyone thinks you should have.
P.S. – Not sure what you actually want? Do the Reverse Engineering Exercise. Picture your best self in 5-10 years. Then work backwards. Sometimes we need to see who we want to be before we can figure out what’s actually worth trying for.
